My Experience of the Experiencers Speak 3 Conference

Two weeks ago, Kay and I went to the Experiencers Speak 3 Conference, a UFO conference in Portland Me, that is focused on those who have had direct contact with extra terrestrials. It was a good, but exhausting time. I didn’t leave with what I originally hoped to gain, but I did get a new perspective on my own abduction experiences.

When I first heard of this conference I was determined to go. I was hoping to connect with others like me and Kay, who have had these experiences, can sift through the enormous amounts of misinformation that surround them, and were genuinely seeking to make some kind of sense out of a subject that often appears to make no sense at all.

The structure of the conference was not really suited for connecting with our fellow attendees though. There was usually only a ten minute gap between speakers, and the schedule ran from 9am to at least 9pm on paper. In reality it ran much later and neither Kay or I had the stamina to stay there past 10pm. Unfortunately, this meant missing the Q&A portions of the conference which I would have found very interesting, but the only way I could have participated at that point would have been in an out of body state.

The majority of speakers were excellent though, and I give kudos to the staff of Starborn Support for putting together a conference of quality presenters. Peter Robbins was an excellent host,  his knowledge of the field and his passion for the work really showed as he was speaking.

One of the highlights for me was the talk given by Mike Clelland. Mike has been focused mainly on the connections between owls and ufos, and the increase of synchronicities by experiencers. At one point in his talk Mike said that his friend had commented “But Mike, you’re not using the scientific method.” To which Mike answered “That’s okay, I’m not a scientist.” I’ve felt for a long time that the struggle to make these experiences fit into the classic scientific framework is holding us back from understanding them in a more holistic manner.

I was also very pleased to meet William (Bill) Konkolesky, who Kay and I spoke briefly with during the conference. Bill is a writer who has chronicled his expeeriences, without layering on some sort of mission or cosmic plan that many experiencers have to try and make some sense of it all. He is also a frequent lucid dreamer, and he and Kay spoke about having experiences of the aliens intruding on dreams. I highly recommend his book “Experiencer: Raised In Two Worlds” which chronicles his early abduction experiences.

During one presentation, I had a rather uncomfortable shock when David Chace was showing a slideshow of his artwork of different kinds of beings. I recognized one of the aliens he described as “football headed” from one of my own experiences. Somehow, this drove the reality of this home to me. The “football headed” alien is not one who has appeared anywhere in pop culture, like the grays, or even  in UFO literature like the Preying Mantis. This being was about 4-5 feet high, with rough, saggy, brown skin, a wide mouth and dark eyes. It was one of a jumble of creatures I saw on the day I closed the vortex and ended my experiences.

Accepting the reality of these creatures on a more profound level was like swallowing a pill without water. You feel it slowly move down your throat towards your gut in a quietly uncomfortable torture. I guess just being at the conference itself was a way of me stepping out and acknowledging that these experiences were more that just my own personal sort of nightmares. Even though I had accepted that intellectually, I was now feeling it more emotionally.

Fortunately, some respite came later on when Linda Cortille was speaking. Linda was the focus of the book “Witnessed: The True Story of the Brooklyn Bridge UFO Abductions” by Budd Hopkins. Linda was a true New Yorker, and clearly uncomfortable speaking in public, even to a group as supportive as this one. She related to us an odd part of her life during the time that her and Budd Hopkins were investigating her experience, which involved Cardinal O’Conner. She provided some much needed laughter and relief during what was mostly heavy subject matter. There was one thing she said that stuck with me though, at the end of her talk.  (I’m paraphrasing, of course.) “At the end of the day, there’s still food in the cupboards, you’re still here and you’re still whole.” For the majority of us, this is true. Even if we’re going through PTSD from our experiences, the normal, waking part of our lives is still the same, and we can take some comfort in that.

As I mulled Linda’s words, I realized that I no longer cared exactly what happened during those abduction years, I can deal with those memories as they surface. In the here and now, I’m more interested in understanding what the reality of these beings really means in my life. I don’t really care much about their politics, their breeding programs, their connections to the government, etc. These all feel like distractions to me and we’ll never sort out the truth from the misinformation anyway. But in the life I am creating, I’ve chosen these beings to play some kind of role. I still have some strong feelings which would tempt me to put that role in a negative light, but for now I am trying to suspend judgement and see if I can gain a new perspective on my experiences.

Ten Thousand Years or Ten Minutes

The other day I was listening to UFO Undercover with Joe Montaldo  in which he mentioned that the aliens have been abducting people for at least ten thousand years. I don’t doubt the validity of this statement, however there is something obvious that Joe, nor any other radio/podcast host I’ve listened too has mentioned, and that’s the non-linear nature of time.

Human beings have a perception of linear time, it moves smoothly from past to present to future, this perception is a wonderful thing, it basically defines the way our lives and experiences unfold, however it has been known for years that it is also an illusion. Time is actually a non-linear phenomenon, this has been known since Einstein was around, which is something really hard to grasp when you are living a linear existence.

On the other hand, if you’re some sort of extra-dimensional being, whose perceptions are not linear as humans are. you might be able to manipulate time in ways that human beings can only imagine.  The aliens might be able to look at our lives, even the thousands of years of our existence in the same manner we might look at the still images on an old reel film.

Imagine the film of your life laid out in front of you, each moment it’s own separate image from birth to death. Now imagine you had the ability to step into that film at any of these points and alter things. This is, what I suspect, the aliens have the ability to do with us.

Of course, all sorts of questions arise, such as what, if anything, changes when the aliens step in? Do we have multiple futures or even multiple pasts that unfold anew with every disruption? I don’t have any answers, except my own belief that there are changes, and that we do have both multiple probable futures and multiple probable pasts. The future ones are easy to conceive of but the past on the other hand can be very disturbing.

For better or worse, we base most of our identities on our past. Our name, date of birth, parents and other family members, all require a history to have meaning to us. Changing these seems impossible, or an exercise in delusion in which only the perceiver would have new memories and the rest of the world would still remember the “true” event. The same is not necessarily true for alien beings.

If you are an experiencer, consider for a moment that the aliens initially discovered you somewhere in the midpoint of your life. You somehow got too close to an open portal which they use to access our world and they could not just perceive you in the present, but see your past and future laid out before them. For whatever reason, you’ve piqued their interest, whatever agenda they have, you meet their criteria, so they insert themselves into the linear experience of your life.

These beings can pick the most opportune moments to catch you alone, even if it’s only been seconds since someone else left the room. Even though you may have just come into their awareness only minutes or hours earlier, they can very quickly insert themselves into your past, creating all sorts of memories either good or bad, which will eventually come flooding back to you.

In a wider perspective, the same thing is true for humankind. Have they really been  around all these centuries in such a linear fashion? I doubt it. If I had the ability to step outside of the linear experience of time, I wouldn’t plod through it at the normal pace. I would jump to the significant points in my project, and if I didn’t like the way it was developing I would just  jump back to make some adjustments. What appears to take centuries might only be a few hours work from the alien’s perspective, and their whole project might be only be taking up a few years of their own time.

What does this mean for us experiencers? It does give us a new way to look at things. Is that newly recovered memory really something that happened twenty years ago, or did an alien just paste a new experience into the story of your life? It takes some of the warm fuzziness away from the “we’ve been watching you since childhood” line. It’s like catching up on earlier seasons of your favorite TV show on Hulu, which takes a lot less effort than being a loyal fan from the beginning.

It also has broad implications for those people who study synchronicities in relation to UFO’s. If you can step out of the time stream and manipulate events, then you can easily create these meaningful coincidences. A staged synchronicity is simply a manipulation and has no inherent meaning. However, it would be difficult for a person to sort out the fake synchronicities from the real ones. Imagine how much validity the alien’s words might have, when backed by all these meaningful coincidences happening around you.

I realize that I have no proof of these ideas. You could easily argue that if the aliens can manipulate time, why don’t they get more of their future predictions right? I have no real answers, and freely admit that I may be completely wrong. However, the deeper I look into this subject, the more I realize we have to suspend our basic assumptions about reality itself. Whatever the agendas of these beings are, we will not understand them by looking at it from a normal human perspective. I’m hoping this concept will add some new thoughts into the mix and help formulate a better understanding of those agendas.

What I Know And What I Think I Know About Alien Abductions

What do I know about the Alien Abduction phenomenon? What do any of us really know? This is an area where facts are few and far between, and the gaps are often filled in either by our own imaginations or some form of suggestion.

It’s a fact that people are having abduction experiences. These are happening worldwide, and it strikes me as absurd to dismiss all these reports as some sort of media induced mass hallucination.  Hallucinations do not leave physical scars or implants behind in a body. Dismissing such evidence out of hand, when there is such an abundance of it from researchers like Budd Hopkins or Roger Leir, is unscientific to say the least.

And that is where the facts end for the most part. Granted, if I believe people are being abducted, then I also believe that someone/something is causing those abductions, but who or what are these beings really? Are they aliens from another planet as they often tell us or is that just an illusion they pick because our minds are willing to accept it as truth.

Whatever these beings are, it’s a fact that they are illusionists. They often show experiencers various scenarios of the world ending. Some of them were even foolish enough to put dates on them. If you do some research on alien predictions or channeled alien predictions you can find many stories of cataclysms that should have happened in the 90’s or 2000 or more recently 2012. At one time I tried to keep track of them, but it quickly became an exercise in futility.

Since they are illusionists and elaborate ones at that. It makes the entire memory of the experience suspect. How do I know what I’m remembering is what really happened or just some kind of post hypnotic suggestion they left behind?

Another fact is that they do use some form of hypnosis or suggestion to repress memories of abductions. It could be argued that the human brain might be creating this repression itself because it can’t deal with the trauma of being abducted, and I won’t dispute that. However, in my own experiences I have had the beings use some form of hypnotic suggestion to get me to comply with their wishes.

The combination of these facts leads me to the obvious conclusion that I cannot trust anything these entities show or tell me. Nor can I trust any information given to any other researcher, because none of us have a means to filter out the truth from illusions.

I did not mention the breeding program in my facts listed above, because I still have my doubts about it. I don’t doubt that they are harvesting genetic material from us, but whether or not they’re making hybrids? Given the likelihood that these beings have been doing this for centuries, and the sheer size of the phenomenon, they should have been able to replace the entire human race with hybrids by now.

If they’re trying to save their own race by some sort of gene splicing or genetic manipulation, then they’re really, really incompetent, as once again they should have been able to accomplish this years ago. They’re supposed to be so far ahead of us technologically, yet we’ve accomplished a great deal (for better or worse) with our genetic manipulations.

Or is it that they are our creators, having genetically uplifted us from apes many millennia ago and they’re tweaking us now to keep us going. Since there are seven billion of us on the planet, we’re certainly not dying out. Perhaps they are trying to increase our brain power or our lifespans or even eliminate male pattern baldness? Since there has been such a mish mash of stories from these beings, I would be hard pressed to believe anything beneficial from them.

So that’s what I know about the alien abduction phenomenon, now here’s what I believe about it. I’m gladly submit that everything I say her may be wrong and my opinions are subject to change without notice.

I believe that these beings are fascinated by human emotions and that many of these abductions, including the medical ones, are actually just a means to draw some type of reaction from us. The abductions generate fear and horror, as does the medical procedures. Some of the sexual practices draw up feelings of humiliation and shame. Some of the aliens showing people babies draws up strong maternal/paternal feelings. I almost never hear of a boring alien encounter, there are always some powerful emotions involved, and that strikes me as being very important.

I believe these beings are not from outer space or any particular planetary system, but actually inhabit the same space as us, but on a different vibrational plane. Don Juan, in the Carlos Casteneda books described the Earth as being layered like an onion. I imagine these beings coming through from one of the nearby onion layers.

I believe their agenda is entirely selfish. I don’t believe they have any sort of benevolent intentions towards us, nor do I think it’s deliberately malicious. A cat is not evil when it toys with a mouse before killing it, although the mouse would probably disagree. The cat is simply being a cat and doing what it has always done. I believe these beings are the same way, they do what they do for reasons we can’t fathom, but ultimately, it’s because they are what they are.

What would our interactions be like if we were meeting them on a level playing field? I suspect that they’re not interested in such things, at least not the one’s who are abducting people while they sleep. To the greater multiverse, these creatures may only be cosmic mosquitoes, looking for easy victims to feed on. Empowering ourselves sours the milk, we are no longer going to react with extreme levels of emotion, but will act firmly and decisively instead.

Finally, I believe that we have the power to stop them. I suspect the only reason that they can do what they do here, is because so many of us have lost touch with our own inherent psychic power. K and I drove them from our lives by firmly refusing to be taken. Other people have done this as well, Ann Druffel has written a book called How To Defend Yourself Against Alien Abductions which is a must read for anyone who wants to stop these experiences.

I will never claim to have all the answers when it comes to these events. However, I have great faith in the human spirit, in our capacity to grow and learn. This area of the paraphysical is the next great frontier, although it’s been explored by Shamans for centuries, so it’s not completely uncharted.  I am fortunate in that I have had many positive paraphysical experiences before the abduction phenomenon entered my life. I firmly believe though, that I will rise above the trauma of my abductions and find some of the greater treasures that are still waiting to be discovered.


Repressed Memory Surfaces, Goes Away, Surfaces Again

I am an experiencer. I’m not sure if I’ve made that clear in this blog before, but both Kay and I have some experiences with the entities most commonly known as the Grays.

My experiences with the Grays are not pleasant, and to be honest I don’t remember most of them. I believe they took place over a 3 or 4 year period when we were living in California. I won’t go into all of those experiences now, but I will share them in future posts as they become relevant.

The memory I want to share now, is something that surfaced originally over ten years ago. The weird thing is I can’t remember it directly, I can only remember, remembering it. If that makes no sense to you, then please bear with me.

Back before November of 2001, I was driving home from my job on a stretch of highway that had a farm with large piles of fertilizer right near the road. The smell of the stuff was overpowering, especially if you didn’t close your windows and put the car vents on recycle prior to getting near it.

While driving along, I was passing this farm and began to sneeze violently. The act of sneezing triggered a memory of me passing the same area months or years earlier, in a Pontiac Fiero that I used to own. While driving the Fiero, I had a sneezing fit, and I felt something solid inside the tissue I was using.

It was dark out and I turned on the overhead light to look at it. One end of it was bright blue, like the old Bic pen caps, and that was the first thing that ran through my mind, that I somehow had a pen cap up my nose. It was smaller though, less than an inch long, and shaped like a pill. The other side of it was clear, and I couldn’t tell if there was anything inside of it. The whole thing was mixed with a lot of mucous and a little blood, I was still driving at this time and only glanced at it quickly while keeping my eyes on the road ahead.

I promptly wrapped the item back in the tissue, and completely forgot about it, until that second sneezing fit brought it back into my mind. Once remembered, I fully intended to tell Kay when I got home that day, except that I couldn’t.

Every time I tried to mention it, it was like I went completely mute. I couldn’t write about it, speak of it or hint at it indirectly, because something in my brain would just cause me to lock up and be silent, until the subject changed and I would forget about it. The memory would slip away the same way that dreams often do upon waking.

Every so often it would be triggered again, and the frustration of not being able to communicate it was really annoying me. This week, it surfaced while in the car again, only Kay was driving this time. I was in the passenger’s side with my head back because I had a cold. I desperately wanted to say something, but was unable to, it was almost like being paralyzed because I couldn’t will myself to write it or signal her about it in any way. After a few minutes, she said something completely unrelated, and it slipped away again as I was able to answer her with no problem.

Finally, this morning, when we were listening to the opening remarks at the Experiencer’s Speak 2013 conference on Youtube, something the speaker said triggered the memory again. This time though, I could move, and I opened an email and started writing about it.

As I was writing, I realized that I could actually talk about it. I began to tell Kay, but I still felt the resistance lingering, like I wasn’t supposed to be talking about this. As I got the story out though I felt a great sense of relief.  As disturbed as I should be about the original event, I was more disturbed over the fact that I was not able to talk about it for over ten years.

Now at least I can say: What the hell was in my nose?! And once it was out, did the beings replace it? I believe that whatever form of suggestion they used, also had me forget about it in that original tissue so long ago.  I’m not sure why I was able to finally breakthrough and talk about it. Perhaps these commands weaken over time, since it has been a very long time since I had any sort of encounter. A more disturbing idea is that I was allowed to speak of it because it fit into some preset program they left in my head.

I can’t even say for sure that it was the Grays who put this thing up in my nasal cavity. It’s my best guess of course, but unless I remember when and how it was implanted I’m completely in the dark about its origin. Like so many things in the paraphysical, I’m left with way more questions than answers.

Vortex in the Bathroom

This experience happened to me a number of years ago when I lived in California. I was at work and went into the bathroom. I had a headache that day and turned off the light in order to give my eyes a rest.Vortex ©Kristen N. Fox,

As my eyes became adjusted to the darkness (the only light source was a slight glow around the door frame), I became aware of a shadowy figure moving in the distance. It was too far away to actually be in the bathroom with me, but about 10 to 12 feet away.

I watched in amazement; these beings had distinct shapes with slim bodies and large bulbous heads. Even though they were shadowy, they appeared as solid as anyone in our normal three-dimensional universe would. I tried raising my hand and waving to the beings, one of them mimicked my gesture which showed that they were aware of me as well.

I should note that when the lights were on, the room appeared  solid and normal, and even in the dark I could feel the wall when I touched it.

I had this experience several more times, often waving or signaling to the beings, but never making any greater contact. Then one day the portal was just gone. I left the job shortly after that and have never seen anything quite like it since.